I remember everything about the night before. I decided that I wanted to forgo hanging out with my girlfriends and their boyfriends because I wanted to party.
Instead of spending time with the women who have championed me every step, and misstep, of my life, I ended up in a stranger’s house party speaking with people I barely knew, popping champagne, and making out at midnight with some guy who’s name I don’t remember.
The make-up. The blow-out. The fancy dress. The party. The new guy I just wanted attention from. All of it.
All of it was me masking what I didn’t want to feel inside, which was that I was lonely and disconnected.
Sometimes it seems obvious in retrospect. If I wanted to feel connected, why did I choose to go to a party instead of spending time with the people who care about me the most?
What I know now is that sometimes our soul leads us to places that make us feel even more disconnected, more detached and lonely so that eventually we’ll wake up again.
2013 had been a whirlwind year for me. It was the year that I admitted to myself that I wasn’t happy with my objectively perfect life, got out of a relationship with a person who loved me so deeply that I feared I would never meet anyone who would love me as much, and spent the remainder of the year running from answering the question of “if I’m not THAT person and THAT life that I always pictured for myself… then who am I? and what is my life about?”
It was a heavy question.
While I could admit that life didn’t feel as good as it wanted to feel, I had no idea what this new vision for my life was, or even once I had it, how I would make it happen.
I knew from previous experience that I could manifest anything, but the truth was, all I really wanted was just to feel happier.
So 2014 was going to be the year. The year that I would start to motivate myself to become a better person again. To stop the spiral. To stop running from myself and my own bullshit stories. It was time to go deep, get dirty, and sort through the muck like the lotus blossoming from the mess around it, find the light in me again.
It worked. Over the course of 2014, my life profoundly shifted. I felt happier than I ever had. I felt more connected and sure of myself than I ever had. I had a powerful vision for my future.
At the end of the year, I spent New Year’s Eve 2014 in Vietnam, all my myself, but feeling so truly, completely at peace with myself, where I was, and how much I had grown.
I gently laid a paper boat lantern down the Mekong river and watched it float away and thought to myself “this is just the beginning.”
So let’s begin. This is your year. Your year to get unstuck, to love yourself more, to release what’s holding you down, and to remember that you can create anything you want for yourself in your life. I’ve got your back. We’re in this one together.
In this Vlog I share how to start your year by coming up with three or four words that will guide your year.
How do you want to feel, most of the time? What theme do you want active in your life, most of the time?
Last year mine were: COURAGE, POWER, SWEETNESS, SURRENDER
This year mine are: PRECISION, GENTLENESS, EASE
What are three things that you can do this month that will help you feel the feelings that you have written out?
If you wrote: healthy. Cool. What is one thing you can do this month to feel healthy? Hit that spin class? Check.
If you wrote: beautiful. Okay. What makes you feel beautiful? Can you commit to doing that once this month?
If you wrote: inspired. Neat. What places make you feel most inspired? Can you go there once this month?
Keep remembering - small hinges swing big doors. This is the hinge, and you're about to swing the door for 2018 right open.
Get Support. Accountability. Who is going to be your life "running buddy" for the year? Commit to what you are cultivating right now and this year out loud, to someone else.
If you want to join our community in Toronto, head over to the events page and I'll meet you there to keep you accountable (January 10, 18 and 24 are our upcoming Circles).